Monday 27 April 2015

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties (3DO review)

Developer: Kirin Entertainment
Publisher: Kirin Entertainment
Released: 1994

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is an adult-themed 'choose-your-own-adventure' game that was released exclusively on the 3DO.

Despite being billed as an FMV game it only features one grainy video clip in the introduction. It's mainly a slideshow of images and you're given multiple choices to advance the plot. The story sees you playing Cupid to strangers John and Jane who are being pressured by their parents to find a partner, get married and have kids. There are a number of obstacles in your way and you have to make sure to pick the right option. Right from the start the game comes off as offensive. When John rejects his Mum's notion that he's gay she replies with: "Thank heavens!" Once each scene ends the slideshow continues for several images as the developers clearly couldn't be bothered to edit things correctly. There are some risqué scenes with the two main characters in the shower but the pictures are really odd; one minute you'll see John's foot and then be presented with an image of a cat! The funniest scene is when Jane arrives for her first day in her new job and is told that her contract has been cancelled. She says she'll do anything and it's here that you have three options, one of which is having the sleazeball boss telling Jayne to take her clothes off. She agrees and pulls out handcuffs and a whip (because everyone brings them to work on their first day!) and starts punishing him in his office! The developers even left in a blooper during the big Hollywood ending. John is supposed to say: "I've been searching for you" to Jane but accidentally says: "I've been searching for me." This results in laughter from the crew and it really breaks down the fourth wall.

Plumbers Don't Wear Ties is a truly awful, sexist game with zero redeeming features. Personally, I think it was a surreal joke by the developers and they purposely made a cheap, terrible game to get some pun intended!

Random trivia: Even if you choose every correct answer without any fails it's still impossible to end up with a positive score. In fact, doing so will result in -170,000 points when you've completed the game!

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